dragonblade0's Diaryland Diary

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why can't i own canadians?

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who
dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio
show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an
abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot
be condoned under any circumstances. The following
is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US
resident:

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Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal
from your show and I try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to
defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22
clearly states it to be an abomination. End of
debate. I do need some advice from you however,
regarding some of the specific laws and how to
follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.
1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual
uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take
offence.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess
slaves, both male and female, provided they are
purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sunday (the Sabbath).
In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states
he should be put to death.
Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't
agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the
altar of God if I have defect in my sight. I have to
admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision
have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should
they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of
a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it
really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them?
(Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death
at a private family affair like we do with people
who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14). I know
you have studied these things extensively, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

6:01 p.m. - 2004-03-23

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