dragonblade0's Diaryland Diary

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layered stress...

what are you supposed to do when you know a friend is slowly but surely cancelling out the good factors in her life? it's kind of scaring me. i think she knows exactly what she's doing, too, this isn't just a coincidental string of events. and i may not know whats actually happening, but i know what i see.

first of all she's hardly eating. she does, but not really enough. she'd trying to lose weight, which is fine, i can understand that, she's not a tiny person. however i've always thought she looks fantastic. but it worries me how little she eats. of course, if this was her only issue i could probably deal with it with a smile. but thats only the bottom layer.

layer two - she practically never sleeps anymore. it's a proven fact that we, as human beings, NEED sleep. it's seriously damaging if we don't get enough of it. scientists have no idea what it is or why we need it, but we do. and to be geting so little sleep, probably 4 hours on average.... theres no WAY that can be good. add that to a lack of food and you've got one seriously deprived mind and body.

layer 3 - (there's more) guys. fucking guys. this layer will be broken up into 3 sublayers for easy comprehension.

  • sublayer 1 - evil ex-boyfriend that completely degraded her sense of self-worth, respect, and confidence. she stayed with him way too long, in a relationship that did nothing for her but bring her down. i'm proud to say she got the courage to break up with him a few months ago.
  • sublayer 2 - best friend who she admits that she likes... liked? something like that. he doesn't understand why she can't go out with him so soon after breaking up with whats his face, and this was stressing her out. actually, as happy as he made her, HE was stressing her out. he fought with her about going out, and now they're just friends supposedly. not ready for anything to happen there. and i'm sure that this did nothing positive for her happiness scale.
  • sublayer 3 - This guy at school we both hang out with got it in his head that he liked her. at first, she found it as annoying as i did. he was always hanging around, following us, opening her locker for her, and always fucking touching her. she;d yell at him and he'd do it again. during exams he wouldn't fucking stop. i mean, the guy follows her so closely and tries to touch her so often that it was even annoying ME for chrissake. but she's on the rebound and undoubtably unhappy. as annoying as it is, it grew on her. because he can be sweet, and she's lonely... sad... pissed off. and there he was to catch her as she fell. he higs her if she's not smiling. he calls her out of nowhere just to chat. keeps her company, and makes her smile, as annoying as his antics are. she won't tell me anything. i ask her whats the deal and she says 'i unno'. i actually shouted at her... which i admit is childish, but this whole thing is stressing me out. i have this horrible feeling this will not go well and it'll just pull her farther down than she already is. i dunno, call it one of those feelings... hunches you have. hey, i could be wrong....

layer 4 - she stresses out about her home life. i mean, it's probably noty a huge influence at this exact moment in time, but they don't have the greatest amount of money, and she's always worried about that. it's a concern that's been pushed to the backburner... not exactly relevant but there all the same.

layer 5 - she's had a history of being depressed. i mean, we all have our down days. but hse falls into them fairly oftem it would seem, sometimes feeling like she wants to do something serious. fortuneately she hasn't lately... though she's got a decent scar forming on her arm. this in particular scares me. i'm terrified things are going to crash and burn and she'll be left in the smoldering wreckage with nothing left. no smiles, too many tears and taunting memories. she can be good at hiding it though, if she so choses. i would vote she's not happy right now. she only lets it show every once in a while... but i feel it there. i've got the horrible feeling this is just going down... and it seriously scares me. i'm worried and concerned. gauranteed i don't know the whole story, or everything thats going on. i don't claim i know exactly what goes on in her head, her world. but i do know what i see, and what i feel. i just hope everything goes ok....

10:46 a.m. - 2004-02-20

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