dragonblade0's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- confused... oh wow. i have no idea whats up with me today. i cried over nothing... whats up with that? i wanted to burn a candle in my room for a while while i tidied up. mom had no problem with it, but i had to ask my dad. he flips right out at me, 'no fucking way, i do not want this house burning to the ground;' and such comments. big deal. it's not like i've never dealt with such a reaction, and it was fairly minor. but for some reason when i went back upstairs i was crying. just a little bit. i put on a cd. mom knocks on the door. 'not a good reaction?' she asks. mumble of agreement from me. another tear. 'you're going to clean off your windowsill?' 'yea.' 'go ahead and burn it.' she knows if i do and dad catches me then he'll be pissed at her cause she said i could... why would she give me permission then? i say as much. 'i'll deal with it then.' and she leaves the room. this seemed to make it even worse cause i couldn't stop crying. .... why would i cry though? i mean, it takes a lot to make me cry. i'm not someone who just up and starts sobbing. what the hell??? i'm uber confused. i woke up in a blah mood though. it seems lately i just don't want to be home. every one's always home. mom doesn't work, shes always here. dad works from home. the little ones, where would they go?? my dad and i are the only people who seem to leave the house on a fairly regular basis. he has meetings and people to see in town, i just don't want to be here. and if for some reason i'm not feeling overly cheerful, i know in the back of my mind that my mom knows. she doesn't say anything, but she knows. and then it's like every little thing my sisters do gets to me. and my dad, he's just cynical and insenstitive. once again.... i don't know. i'm confused, and not sure of anything really. i wish it was summer, cause then i could leave... just leave. of course, i'd have to come back... but i wouldn't think about that. 1:01 p.m. - 2004-02-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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